Swish: sauciness (10); burstage abatement (10); tortilla (9); meat (9); size (8); rice (8); beans (8); temperature (8)
Shrug: cheese (7); vegetables (7); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: spiciness (3)
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

An irrefutably, intangibly delicious burrito undercut by spice flatter than Nebraska. Its construction was so tightly wound, nothing dripped nor spilled when we recklessly dangled the slab upside down halfway through. Thickly pasty refried beans and a heaping helping of 30-weight guacamole made for some of the glurgiest in-burrito conditions we’ve seen in ages, and we didn’t mind this an ounce. Robust cuts of the Big Crazy Taco’s grilled, sauce-accompanied chicken made for some steamrollin’ flavor, and the sauce itself came from a land where nothing ghastly-tasting is ever allowed – good grief, it was amazing. Other elements deserving of a few kind words: the fine rice, the grilled tortilla, and the generous length of the whole piece. However, some unsettling moments forced the OMR to dip under our eight-mustache Mendoza Line, and for this, fingers of blame shall be extended toward the somewhat divisive ingredient mix (which caused top-end temperature issues that eventually worked themselves out) and, most of all, the barely-there spice. Nevertheless, one of the best sub-eight-mustache burritos we’ve known.

Swish: tortilla (10); cheese (10); vegetables (9); temperature (9); burstage abatement (9); size (8); meat (8); rice (8); sauciness (8)
Shrug: spiciness (7); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: beans (4)
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

So many excellent elements buoyed this slab’s fortunes, we can’t help but moderately forgive its shortcomings (semi-integrated ingredient mix, scattered pockets of hard-charging spice), as well as its singular failure (anemic deployment of refried beans). The madly grilled tortilla cradled this burrito’s dark-hued centerpiece - a gang of strongly sauced pork that, while not outstanding, certainly held our attention raptly throughout. There was much jack cheese, completely melted, and it was all really quite rad. Some fine pico de gallo anchored the veggie lineup, along with tasty guacamole and an ideal amount of cilantro. More than anything, though, this burrito trafficked in intangible gold – that certain, can’t-put-a-point-on-it something our judges panel pines for every time they climb through a taqueria’s front window and order. With the right amount of beans, this would have been the Crazy Taco’s second consecutive 8.50-mustache effort.

Swish: sauciness (10); temperature (10); burstage abatement (10); size (9); tortilla (9); vegetables (9); meat (8); rice (8); cheese (8); spiciness (8)
Shrug: ingredient mix (6)
Clang: beans (5)
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

In light of this strong showing, we’ll be sure our next on-the-record visit to this Lower Mission staple comes a lot sooner than another 18 months down the line. With extraordinary sauciness and a wondrous succession of hot bites, this generously lengthy food-scud scuffled its way to the storied level of our 10-Mustache Scale. It’s true that we found much at fault with the refried beans – they certainly could have used a refresh by the time of our evening visit, and it sure didn’t get a boost from a slightly troublesome ingredient mix that crammed all the over-the-hill slop down into the southwest corner of the tortilla. But plenty of melted jack was a silent assassin, and the Crazy Taco’s vaunted carnitas – externally charred, internally moist and salt-touched – provided plenty of affordable entertainment for our panel’s taste buds. And the nicely grilled tortilla, cilantro-slapped veggie ensemble, and ubiquitous flecks of red pepper were all similarly sharp additions. All told, the hoorays here greatly outweighed the downturned thumbs.

This fine piece of work had its legs taken out by phantom spice, a merely utilitarian tortilla, and an almost total absence of both sauciness and spice. Still, it was hot throughout, perfectly built, in love with its own cheesiness, and its eggs were downright respectable, albeit a bit on the dry side. Some mighty flavorful ham stood up to be counted, as did a big avocado slice. And that wall mural loomed menacingly all the while. That must be one crazy taco for that jalapeño to go after him like that.