the Intestinal Apocalypse Monthly Apparel Bazaar

Rubio's Financial DistrictOMR: 5.67
4 Embarcadero Center
cross street: Drumm/Clay
ph. 986-9001
Map Visits: 1
Rubio’s seems to heavily rely on high-fivin’ white males who work in the area, but what’s there to slap hands over when the burritos are this hapless? Certainly not the lack of foiling services offered by Rubio’s kitchen. Perhaps the four ersatz thatched hut-themed tables in the center of the dining room are what all the excitement’s about? You’ll know you’re at the Embarcadero Center by the ubiquitous, circular faux-bricks that line every walkway in sight. Credit cards accepted. Beer and outdoor seating available. Closed Saturday evenings and Sundays.

Will My Health Be Violated?

03/24/08Especial Carnitas$5.495.67 Mustaches
Swish: size (8)
Shrug: tortilla (7); rice (7); beans (7); temperature (7); meat (6); vegetables (6); spiciness (6); ingredient mix (6); burstage abatement (6)
Clang: cheese (1); sauciness (1)
Intangibility bonus: 0 (of 2)

Good grief. Rubio’s doesn’t foil up their work – even upon request – but this didn’t turn out to be a dealbreaker here, since things held together OK. Still irritating, though. Construction shortcuts aside, twin scourges arrived in the form of unmelted, barely there cheese and an incongruous (and pungent!) white chipotle sauce that belonged in a silly wrap over at the other complete stooge at San Francisco’s taqueria party, 360° Gourmet. Terrible. There was no way back from these disasters, even with an acceptably flaky tortilla, palatable Spanish rice, and fair-enough pinto beans all garnering seven mustaches each. Rubio’s carnitas was overly tender (read: kind of mushy), but at least it had a bit of flavor. The mix improved the further down we slogged, which was a step in the right direction considering we didn’t even spot a bean until the sixth bite. On the whole, this tasted like the sort of oversized fast-food burrito from which Rubio's purports to stand out. It was so bad, we’re surprised it didn’t call us mean names or try to steal our MUNI pass.