cross street: Naples
Map Visits: 1
Shrug: tortilla (7); meat (7); beans (7); vegetables (7); rice (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: cheese (5); sauciness (5)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)
This anvil of a lunch wasn’t going to get any better in its waning moments, so we did it a favor and called the whole thing off before we started to full-on dislike it. That’s right: 28 bites into the heaviest, densest meal on Burritoeater record, we threw in the towel, and that hadn’t ever happened before. Many elements of this beltbuster were OK – the sludgy refried beans, the rustic fried pork, the unremarkable tortillas (indeed, you get two on the jumbo) – but few were outstanding. More crucially, a couple completely clanged it. What’s with the four slices of American cheese on the jumbo burrito, Don? Don’t do that. In other news, this slab could have used a good deal more salsa and a good deal less rice. Half an avocado’s worth of avocado slices were worth the tidy surcharge, although the veggie gang on the whole couldn’t manage better than seven mustaches. Construction was impressive, considering the thing weighed more than Roseanne Barr. But perhaps if it would have boasted greater intangible goodness, it wouldn’t have earned the ignominy of being the first-ever unfinished burrito in our review oeuvre.