Swish: temperature (10); cheese (9); size (8); rice (8); vegetables (8); spiciness (8); ingredient mix (8)
Shrug: tortilla (7); meat (7); beans (6); sauciness (6); burstage abatement (6)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Just like the baseball team that can’t ever quite manage a winning season, Ocean Taq. seems unable to capitalize on its best chances for mustachioed success. Mister Slabmaker Fella grilled up a fresh batch of carne asada for our persnickety panel, even draping over it a bunch of green bell pepper and white onion slices as it cooked. Result: shrugalicious beef fajitas, although we appreciated the heavy onion involvement. Elsewhere in this burrito’s veggie profile, our failure to specify no lettuce doomed us to — no way, really? — a bit of lettuce to contend with; we dealt. The ingredient mix had many things going for it, but the refried beans and good-looking guacamole got a little buried somewhere along the way, and spiciness was less than consistent throughout. Most troubling was the messiness that only increased the deeper we drilled — sauce drips, piles of lousy taqueria napkins, the works. Still, every bite was as hot as the one that preceded, and all that melted cheese sure offered a great look (and taste). But not even two-mustache intangibility could send this slab over the eight-mustache rainbow.

Swish: tortilla (10); cheese (9); burstage abatement (9); beans (8)
Shrug: spiciness (7); temperature (7); meat (6); vegetables (6)
Clang: size (5); rice (5); sauciness (5); ingredient mix (5)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

With a magnificently grilled tortilla and scads of sliced jack melted all over its interior, this tightly constructed burrito had a few elements working in its favor. Sadly, we found a number of other working parts to be virtually irredeemable, and a quick glance at the OMR above plainly reveals that the good guys got their asses handed to them this time. Dreadfully mixed and sized to sate the appetite of a baby gerbil, this short ‘n’ trim slabette left us a bit hungry and a lot baffled. How come the rice was so buttery? What was with the handful of lukewarm bites and the carnitas’ noticeably pink insides? And considering all this, why the hell was the line out the door? This burrito wasn’t worth more than the 131 words we’ve already given over to it, and it wasn’t worth $6.50, either.

A much better showing this time around, as compared to our first visit in early 2003. Although this burrito disappeared quickly due to its stubby confines, there were enough respectable moments here to give us enough reason to not write it off, even though it seemed like a sad inevitability halfway in. Despite Ocean’s best efforts to drain any soaked ingredients before they hit the tortilla, this slab’s outerwear nevertheless fell prey to the Soggy Scourge; considering that (along with the half-integrated mix), it was no small wonder every bite retained warmth...but that was the case. The spicy chicken – marinated in what a real food critic would probably call a “zippy red sauce” – was tender and tasty, while loads of tomato-heavy pico de gallo kicked in additional flavor. And there was certainly no shortage of spice-heat, between said sauce and all the included jalapeño bits. Reasonable? Sure. Slurpalicious? Absolutely.

If San Francisco represents delicious flavor on the burrito map of North America, Ocean Taqueria is a tiny hamlet tucked away on the Nova Scotia coast. Hot sauce: It wasn’t so hot. Lettuce fouled several bites, and spice was a total rumor. At least some melted cheese showed up with its game face on.