Swish: burstage abatement (10); tortilla (9); temperature (9)
Shrug: size (7); rice (7); beans (6); spiciness (6)
Clang: meat (5); vegetables (4); cheese (4); ingredient mix (4); sauciness (0)
Intangibility bonus: 0 (of 2)

Aside from its disaster-proof construction and admittedly well-grilled tortilla, the best thing about this sub-six-mustache lunch was its drip-free aesthetic. Well of course it was neat and tidy — there wasn’t a drop of sauce (or even grease) to drip out of it, and no, we’re not exaggerating for effect here. Everything in this burrito was more parched than Libya in a dry year, from the flavor-free grilled chicken to the garden-variety brown rice. Elsewhere in the suckometer's highest reaches, this somewhat junior-sized slab suffered from zero tomato input, cheese that was either unmelted or far too low-profile, and a frown-causing ingredient mix that prevented the abysmal chicken from touching the just-there rice, which in turn failed to come into contact with the sole vegetabular content of diced onion and a particularly rude amount of cilantro. The overly understated refried beans and the vague rumor of spiciness were also worth complaining about. A charmless abomination in foil.

Swish: temperature (9); burstage abatement (9); tortilla (8); spiciness (8)
Shrug: meat (7); size (6); beans (6); vegetables (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: rice (5); cheese (4); sauciness (4)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

First bite: Dry Bite. Second bite: Same. You get the drift. Potrero Hill’s sole mobile taqueria seems to come up short for us each time we stop in, and the chief culprits this time included the afore-indicated paucity of saucity, a set of rice that rivaled the refried beans in terms of mushiness (and exceeded them in flavor deficiency), and a whole bunch of unmelted jack cheese grates that didn’t do anybody any favors. Slabular construction was, other than our issues with the ingrown tortilla, remarkably strong, and bites were warm to hot throughout. But have we mentioned this burrito’s insulting dimensions yet? No? Clearly, this was a lunch fit for a diet plate. Beans were too low-profile, pico de gallo was fully on leave, and the all-rice side of the mix was a real disappointment, considering how overcooked the stuff was. Steak was heavily peppered, thinly sliced, and damn fine...until that gigantic cube of gristle reared up in the latter stages. Much like this burrito’s final rating, that cruel lump of fat ended up in the gutter as well.

Sadly, our inaugural visit to Taq. Gaby & Liz will be remembered as the lowest-rated truck-spawned slab on Burritoeater record to date. We went out on a bit of a limb and ordered their tinga (chicken stewed with onions and tomatoes), which turned out to be extra-pale white meat with some alright side flavor. Problem was, flavor was an all-too-rare commodity here, as the first two bites (all-rice/beans, each of them) offered a disturbingly bland introduction to this disgruntling burrito. As if the laggard start weren’t enough of a drag, the third bite (and most bites thereafter) contained an ingredient we twice warned our burrito-builder off of: lettuce. More flavorless brown rice and refried beans we had never before set our taste buds upon, no lie. Stubby and chubby from end to end, this fireplug contained a mix that would get ingredient de-segregationists on the horn to the ACLU on the double. The several unnecessary folds that gripped the nicely grilled tortilla spoke directly to how this burrito should have been better fleshed-out; a less clumpy ingredient combo (which sullied some otherwise brilliant avocado slices) would have been welcome. Respectable temperature and ominous spice turned out to be only minimally relevant.