the Intestinal Apocalypse Monthly Apparel Bazaar

Tacko Cow HollowOMR: 8.67
3115 Fillmore
cross street: Filbert
ph. 415/796-3534
Map Visits: 2
First things first: "Tacko" rhymes with "Paco," not "wacko." Fair enough. If upon entering this spacious and airy Cow Hollow establishment you feel like you've been transported to an island off the coast of mainland New England, well, that metal kayak in the entryway is no accident — Tacko's got chowderhead written all over it, all the way down to the sorta-awkward homage to Nantucket's airport code (ACK) in the name. This is no seafood shack, though, and our pair of voyages through Tacko's burrito-shaped waters have resulted in major mustachioed success. Cleverly, the burrito menu here runs up and down the Pacific coast: Mexican, San Diego, San Francisco (that's us, bro! yes!! we're number freakin' one!!! high five), California, get the drift. Lobster rolls also make periodic appearances on the menu (lobster rolls, alright), although refried beans do not. Outdoor dining, bottled and draft beer, margaritas, sangria, and a steady diet of good-time rock all available; don't skip the stellar horchata. Credit cards accepted.

Will My Health Be Violated?

10/16/12San Francisco Chicken$8.758.67 Mustaches
Swish: tortilla (10); spiciness (10); temperature (10); cheese (9); vegetables (9); burstage abatement (9); rice (8); sauciness (8); ingredient mix (8)
Shrug: size (7); meat (7); beans (7)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Our quick-return visit to what is clearly northern San Francisco's finest burrito opportunity rated just as highly as it did on our first time here a couple months prior. And yet, this visit seemed like a slight come-down, maybe due to no element of surprise lurking this time...or perhaps it was just the boiled, throughly unspecial chicken. Still, there was much to laud here, from the ultramega-grilled whole wheat tortilla and rousing, habanero-fueled spice on through the bold avocado stylings and smart ingredient mix. The slab itself was dense, but undersized, and while the whole pinto beans may have been harmless enough, we would have preferred a slap or two of refrieds in the mix instead. Things got a bit drippy in the lower half, but it's OK, we had a napkin. Intangibility cleared our two-mustache bar with ease. Then we ordered seven lobster rolls to go.

08/10/12San Francisco Carne Asada$9.258.67 Mustaches
Swish: meat (10); vegetables (10); sauciness (10); spiciness (10); cheese (9); ingredient mix (9); burstage abatement (9); rice (8); temperature (8)
Shrug: size (7); tortilla (6); beans (6)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Tacko's debut on our Mustache Chart flirted with legendary status before settling for just really impressive. From its cavalcade of sharp flavors on through its uncanny intangible charm, this was a slab that knew what it was doing from the get-go, even if a few elements didn't quite grasp the concept of true greatness. Certain things about our foiled lunch were simply unassailable: the on-point guacamole and pico de gallo that anchored a flawless vegetable ensemble; the juicy, perfectly grilled beef; the unstoppably burly habanero salsa, applied to an ideal degree. Nearly equal kudos went out to the smartly melted cheese, exceptional ingredient mix, and nicely moist rice, and the whole deal was built to last, not fall apart. On the flip side, the whole wheat tortilla (which we neither requested nor expected) became a victim of saucy seepage in the burrito's final stages, while stunted length and a set of drab, just-there pinto beans prevented this otherwise glorious burrito from hitting our nine-mustache heights. Still, one hell of a debut.