Groundhogs, Valentines, SLABSFebruary 2008
Heard you missed us. We're back. We brought our pencils.
A month off the taqueria tiles did our panel's palate some good.
Alright.
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ADIOS, LA CASTRO TAQ.
It's always a sad event when one of our favorite San Francisco taquerias goes the way of the dodo, but that was the case recently when reports of La Castro Taq.'s boarded-up exterior were substantiated by our investigative task force. La Castro had been a major player on the local slab scene since its stunning debut two years ago, when it quietly replaced a Taq. El Castillito location at the corner of 18th St. and Noe. Our second visit, in September 2006, yielded that rarest of burrito-beasts, a nine-mustache effort (9.08, to be exact), while other feathers in the short-lived shop's cap were its quarterfinalist finish in the 2006 Slab Scrum and, for a few months in 2007, a No. 1 ranking on our ballyhooed Mustache Chart ahead of traditional powers Papalote and Taq. San Francisco. La Castro had slipped a few spots to No. 8 at the time of its demise, but it clearly still had the knack. Surely we can expect another damn tapas joint, or perhaps a dog grooming parlor, to appear in its place shortly.
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February Taqueria Visits
2/28: We quite enjoyed El Paraiso’s hulking slab, even if the final rating suggests nothing more than spirited shrugs.
2/23: If intangibility were our sole rating factor, Taq. El Gran Taco Loco would know few equals in town. The burrito big leagues aren’t that simple, however.
2/20: Ever notice how Quiznos and the Mexican flag share the same color scheme? El Tesoro’s management team sure did.
2/16: El Toro is killing us softly with these 7.58-mustache burritos they keep slinging our way.
2/13: Looking for the next up-and-comer in the San Francisco taqueria game? The smart money could be on Taq. Guadalajara.
2/11: La Taqueria: We don’t get it. Never have, in fact.
2/9: The corner of Market and 6th St. may not lend itself to lingering at 9:30 A.M., but at least there’s Taq. Can-cún and its mighty tasty breakfast burritos.
2/6: Luna Taq. promised the moon, but our dinner turned out to be nothing more than the portrait of adequacy.
2/4: The clangs came early, often, and late at Broadway Express.
2/1: Tacos El Tonayense on Shotwell made us feel right back at home after our Great Siesta/Hiatus of January 2008.
A month off the taqueria tiles did our panel's palate some good.
Alright.
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ADIOS, LA CASTRO TAQ.
It's always a sad event when one of our favorite San Francisco taquerias goes the way of the dodo, but that was the case recently when reports of La Castro Taq.'s boarded-up exterior were substantiated by our investigative task force. La Castro had been a major player on the local slab scene since its stunning debut two years ago, when it quietly replaced a Taq. El Castillito location at the corner of 18th St. and Noe. Our second visit, in September 2006, yielded that rarest of burrito-beasts, a nine-mustache effort (9.08, to be exact), while other feathers in the short-lived shop's cap were its quarterfinalist finish in the 2006 Slab Scrum and, for a few months in 2007, a No. 1 ranking on our ballyhooed Mustache Chart ahead of traditional powers Papalote and Taq. San Francisco. La Castro had slipped a few spots to No. 8 at the time of its demise, but it clearly still had the knack. Surely we can expect another damn tapas joint, or perhaps a dog grooming parlor, to appear in its place shortly.
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February Taqueria Visits
2/28: We quite enjoyed El Paraiso’s hulking slab, even if the final rating suggests nothing more than spirited shrugs.
2/23: If intangibility were our sole rating factor, Taq. El Gran Taco Loco would know few equals in town. The burrito big leagues aren’t that simple, however.
2/20: Ever notice how Quiznos and the Mexican flag share the same color scheme? El Tesoro’s management team sure did.
2/16: El Toro is killing us softly with these 7.58-mustache burritos they keep slinging our way.
2/13: Looking for the next up-and-comer in the San Francisco taqueria game? The smart money could be on Taq. Guadalajara.
2/11: La Taqueria: We don’t get it. Never have, in fact.
2/9: The corner of Market and 6th St. may not lend itself to lingering at 9:30 A.M., but at least there’s Taq. Can-cún and its mighty tasty breakfast burritos.
2/6: Luna Taq. promised the moon, but our dinner turned out to be nothing more than the portrait of adequacy.
2/4: The clangs came early, often, and late at Broadway Express.
2/1: Tacos El Tonayense on Shotwell made us feel right back at home after our Great Siesta/Hiatus of January 2008.
2007 SlabbysJanuary 2008
It’s Burritoeater.com's annual bean-studded awards extravaganza: The 2007 Slabbys.
And now: your host, and our own taqueria sage, Beano Cook.
1 - Dos Piñas Taq., November 1, 9.17 mustaches
This Potrero Hill stalwart, long known for its spectacular tortilla soup and mediocre, yet costly burritowork, stunned our panel with Burritoeater's highest-rated slab in nearly four years. And to think we ordered a bowl of spectacular tortilla soup as backup for the anticipated mediocre burrito.
2 - Gordo Taq. (Inner Sunset), December 5, 9.08 mustaches
The 2006 Slab Scrum champion added another honor to its expanding list: its first nine-mustache burrito. What’s next? The Gordo Blimp over the Rose Bowl?
3 - Papalote (Western Addition), July 14, 9.08 mustaches
The French didn't have half the fun we had at Papalote on Bastille Day '07.
4 - Taq. El Castillito (Mission), December 31, 9.08 mustaches
2007's top-rated breakfast burrito arrived in the year's dying hours and ensured our panel a lethargic New Year's Eve afternoon.
5 - El Burrito Express (Western Addition), November 20, 8.92 mustaches
By the end of this tour de force, Divisadero's Burrito Train had locked down its first number one ranking on our hullabaloo'd Mustache Chart.
Favorite new taqueria: The Little Chihuahua
Its name may conjure images of pint-sized, yippy housepets, but the Little Chihuahua picked up where 2006 Slab Scrum qualifier Loco Taco Taq. left off.
Most humongous burrito: El Burrito Express (Outer Sunset)
31 bites. 8.33 mustaches. So, it was sizable and delicious. Thirty-one bites!
Favorite tortilla: Taq. El Castillito (Castro)
Considering that nearly a dozen burritos throughout 2007 earned ten mustaches for tortillawork, this one's pretty much a toss-up. El Castillito snags the prize in the end, despite the relatively disappointing burrito its winning tortilla cradled.
Favorite carne asada: L'avenida
The Inner Sunset favorite returned to Burritoeater's listings after a lost weekend (2005-07) spent in the table-service ghetto, and its champ steak christened its re-entry with style and ease.
Favorite grilled chicken: Tlaloc Sabor Mexicano
Grilled without flaw, slathered in a ridiculously tasty adobe marinade, and plentifully scattered, Tlaloc's award-grabbing chicken anchored the year's poorest value: a $9.45, 13-bite mini-slab.
Favorite al pastor: Taq. Guadalajara (Mission)
Best known for its comically fiery mango habañero salsa, Taq. Guadalajara's new shop in the Mission also boasts charred, sharply marinated pork accompanied by sly bits of roasted pineapple. This is a taqueria that clearly knows its way around both the meat locker and the fruit orchard.
Favorite carnitas: Chipotle (Financial District)
When an independently operated burrito review site based in a globally recognized taqueria capital is put in the unenviable position of trumpeting the deliciously braised pork of a hypercontroversial, nationwide taqueria chain, moments of discomfort are bound to ensue at the award presentation podium. Those moments seem to be occurring right now.
Favorite chorizo: Taq. El Castillito (Civic Center / Tenderloin)
We love the smell of finely diced Mexican sausage in the morning. We also enjoy its taste, particularly at Castillito's celebrated Civic Center-adjacent shop.
Favorite meatless burrito: Mariachi's
Mariachi's previously peerless beans may not have recovered its 2005 Slabby, but the oft-overlooked Mission shop kept a burrito-shaped trophy on its shelf with its excellent, 8.36-mustache chile relleno job.
Favorite rice: La Corneta Taq. (Glen Park)
For the third year in a row, La Corneta's veggie-speckled Spanish rice is our it-grain.
Favorite beans: El Beach Burrito
The Outer Sunset taqueria laid down the refried bean slop-law something fierce.
Favorite cheese: El Faro (Mission)
Usually we're most enthusiastic when jack or oaxaca cheese is melted within a burrito, but the jack/cheddar blend at San Francisco's oldest burrito retailer got us thinking that, when employed the right way, a little cheddar involvement is OK with us.
Favorite vegetable contingent: El Norteño
Burrito kitchens built upon four tires and a working drivetrain aren't usually winners at our Slabby extravaganza, but the El Norteño truck's irrepressible gang of diced onion, cilantro, pico de gallo, and a full (!) avocado deserves some stage time this evening.
Favorite salsa: Papalote (Western Addition)
A few contenders came close to knocking Papalote's legendary chipotle salsa off its lofty perch, but...uh-uh. Papalote sells the stuff in individual canning jars for $6.50 each, you know.
Spiciest burrito: La Placita
Another big battle, with 20 burritos scattered about the ten-mustache melee. La Placita pockets the prize, if only because it's only a few years removed from that infamous two-mustache travesty that included an unmelted slice of Borden cheese-food. From the dumpster to the Slabby podium, in a little over four years. Kudos.
Strangest five burritos of 2007:
1 - El Faro (Financial District), February 2
A cheesesteak in burrito's clothing. Steak-umm, don't hurt 'em.
2 - El Cachanilla, July 17
Our usual "extra spicy" request resulted in an ill-dispersed red chile bean paste that had us thinking “kim chi” more than “burrito.” Seoulful.
3 - Taq. Alebrijes, August 22
Everything here -- up to and including the Filipino-style "bistek" beef -- tasted like the jarred salsa that penetrated all corners of this troubled food. Of course, at Fisherman's Wharf, all culinary bets are usually off.
4 - Taq. Maná, September 4
Taq. Maná's Cajun-spiced pork had us glancing outside in search of zydeco accordions and pontoon boats on Stockton St.
5 - La Fajita Grill, February 28
This burrito didn't remind us of Philadelphia, Korea, Manila, or Delacroix. But various elements of this ultimately unremarkable (7.17 mustaches) effort did somehow earn four perfect element ratings. That's like the lineup of a last-place baseball team boasting the top home run hitter in history, or something.
Favorite foil: La Corneta Taq. (Glen Park)
Terrific foil! Really great.
Kindly refill your horchata mug as you exit the auditorium. And bring home some lard for the kids.
Thank you, good night.
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January Siesta/Hiatus
Given the statistic above, our diligent judges panel has clearly worn the burrito-eating stone down to a nub with its dedicated nose-grinding over the last five years. So, in lieu of a proper performance bonus, Burritoeater brass has bequeathed a month-long recess during which members will scatter to devour similar foods in other climes and locales. That recess is now.
The San Francisco Slab Train will ride again in February 2008, refreshed and renewed after some time spent relaxed and reclined. Machaca!
And now: your host, and our own taqueria sage, Beano Cook.
Good evening. I won't ramble on as I may have at past editions of this event. Last year, around the time we were presenting our hotly anticipated "Favorite Foil" award, I looked down to see a gal in the third row nodding off in her horchata. So we'll get crackin' with the hardware momentarily.Top five burritos of 2007:
But first, a brief look back at another year out on the San Francisco taqueria tiles.
In early August, our tireless judges panel critiqued the 500th burrito on Burritoeater record -- an 8.25-mustache effort from Papalote.
And a few months prior to that, our editorial board managed to work both "chooglin'" and a reference to Trouble Man into a review of a fine El Faro burrito.
And that's a brief look back at another year out on the San Francisco taqueria tiles. Further details on 2007's other 114 burritos are available in each month's Blargh. See below.
Now let's shell out some Slabbys. A splendid time is guaranteed for all.
1 - Dos Piñas Taq., November 1, 9.17 mustaches
This Potrero Hill stalwart, long known for its spectacular tortilla soup and mediocre, yet costly burritowork, stunned our panel with Burritoeater's highest-rated slab in nearly four years. And to think we ordered a bowl of spectacular tortilla soup as backup for the anticipated mediocre burrito.
2 - Gordo Taq. (Inner Sunset), December 5, 9.08 mustaches
The 2006 Slab Scrum champion added another honor to its expanding list: its first nine-mustache burrito. What’s next? The Gordo Blimp over the Rose Bowl?
3 - Papalote (Western Addition), July 14, 9.08 mustaches
The French didn't have half the fun we had at Papalote on Bastille Day '07.
4 - Taq. El Castillito (Mission), December 31, 9.08 mustaches
2007's top-rated breakfast burrito arrived in the year's dying hours and ensured our panel a lethargic New Year's Eve afternoon.
5 - El Burrito Express (Western Addition), November 20, 8.92 mustaches
By the end of this tour de force, Divisadero's Burrito Train had locked down its first number one ranking on our hullabaloo'd Mustache Chart.
Favorite new taqueria: The Little Chihuahua
Its name may conjure images of pint-sized, yippy housepets, but the Little Chihuahua picked up where 2006 Slab Scrum qualifier Loco Taco Taq. left off.
Most humongous burrito: El Burrito Express (Outer Sunset)
31 bites. 8.33 mustaches. So, it was sizable and delicious. Thirty-one bites!
Favorite tortilla: Taq. El Castillito (Castro)
Considering that nearly a dozen burritos throughout 2007 earned ten mustaches for tortillawork, this one's pretty much a toss-up. El Castillito snags the prize in the end, despite the relatively disappointing burrito its winning tortilla cradled.
Favorite carne asada: L'avenida
The Inner Sunset favorite returned to Burritoeater's listings after a lost weekend (2005-07) spent in the table-service ghetto, and its champ steak christened its re-entry with style and ease.
Favorite grilled chicken: Tlaloc Sabor Mexicano
Grilled without flaw, slathered in a ridiculously tasty adobe marinade, and plentifully scattered, Tlaloc's award-grabbing chicken anchored the year's poorest value: a $9.45, 13-bite mini-slab.
Favorite al pastor: Taq. Guadalajara (Mission)
Best known for its comically fiery mango habañero salsa, Taq. Guadalajara's new shop in the Mission also boasts charred, sharply marinated pork accompanied by sly bits of roasted pineapple. This is a taqueria that clearly knows its way around both the meat locker and the fruit orchard.
Favorite carnitas: Chipotle (Financial District)
When an independently operated burrito review site based in a globally recognized taqueria capital is put in the unenviable position of trumpeting the deliciously braised pork of a hypercontroversial, nationwide taqueria chain, moments of discomfort are bound to ensue at the award presentation podium. Those moments seem to be occurring right now.
Favorite chorizo: Taq. El Castillito (Civic Center / Tenderloin)
We love the smell of finely diced Mexican sausage in the morning. We also enjoy its taste, particularly at Castillito's celebrated Civic Center-adjacent shop.
Favorite meatless burrito: Mariachi's
Mariachi's previously peerless beans may not have recovered its 2005 Slabby, but the oft-overlooked Mission shop kept a burrito-shaped trophy on its shelf with its excellent, 8.36-mustache chile relleno job.
Favorite rice: La Corneta Taq. (Glen Park)
For the third year in a row, La Corneta's veggie-speckled Spanish rice is our it-grain.
Favorite beans: El Beach Burrito
The Outer Sunset taqueria laid down the refried bean slop-law something fierce.
Favorite cheese: El Faro (Mission)
Usually we're most enthusiastic when jack or oaxaca cheese is melted within a burrito, but the jack/cheddar blend at San Francisco's oldest burrito retailer got us thinking that, when employed the right way, a little cheddar involvement is OK with us.
Favorite vegetable contingent: El Norteño
Burrito kitchens built upon four tires and a working drivetrain aren't usually winners at our Slabby extravaganza, but the El Norteño truck's irrepressible gang of diced onion, cilantro, pico de gallo, and a full (!) avocado deserves some stage time this evening.
Favorite salsa: Papalote (Western Addition)
A few contenders came close to knocking Papalote's legendary chipotle salsa off its lofty perch, but...uh-uh. Papalote sells the stuff in individual canning jars for $6.50 each, you know.
Spiciest burrito: La Placita
Another big battle, with 20 burritos scattered about the ten-mustache melee. La Placita pockets the prize, if only because it's only a few years removed from that infamous two-mustache travesty that included an unmelted slice of Borden cheese-food. From the dumpster to the Slabby podium, in a little over four years. Kudos.
Strangest five burritos of 2007:
1 - El Faro (Financial District), February 2
A cheesesteak in burrito's clothing. Steak-umm, don't hurt 'em.
2 - El Cachanilla, July 17
Our usual "extra spicy" request resulted in an ill-dispersed red chile bean paste that had us thinking “kim chi” more than “burrito.” Seoulful.
3 - Taq. Alebrijes, August 22
Everything here -- up to and including the Filipino-style "bistek" beef -- tasted like the jarred salsa that penetrated all corners of this troubled food. Of course, at Fisherman's Wharf, all culinary bets are usually off.
4 - Taq. Maná, September 4
Taq. Maná's Cajun-spiced pork had us glancing outside in search of zydeco accordions and pontoon boats on Stockton St.
5 - La Fajita Grill, February 28
This burrito didn't remind us of Philadelphia, Korea, Manila, or Delacroix. But various elements of this ultimately unremarkable (7.17 mustaches) effort did somehow earn four perfect element ratings. That's like the lineup of a last-place baseball team boasting the top home run hitter in history, or something.
Favorite foil: La Corneta Taq. (Glen Park)
Terrific foil! Really great.
Kindly refill your horchata mug as you exit the auditorium. And bring home some lard for the kids.
Thank you, good night.
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January Siesta/Hiatus
Given the statistic above, our diligent judges panel has clearly worn the burrito-eating stone down to a nub with its dedicated nose-grinding over the last five years. So, in lieu of a proper performance bonus, Burritoeater brass has bequeathed a month-long recess during which members will scatter to devour similar foods in other climes and locales. That recess is now.
The San Francisco Slab Train will ride again in February 2008, refreshed and renewed after some time spent relaxed and reclined. Machaca!
Western EditionDecember 2007
There are those who blanch at calling the stretch of Divisadero between Pine and Bush anything other than Lower Pacific Heights. Same goes for Fillmore and Golden Gate as the Lower Fillmore, or Fulton and Masonic (or Baker) as North of Panhandle. Fair enough. We're not here to quibble over the validity of sub-neighborhood designations. We're here to discuss San Francisco taquerias. That's what we do. That's how we've grossed $18.6M so far this fiscal year.
But as far as the lab coats up in Burritoeater's Physical Geography Division are concerned, all these street blocks and corners fall within the Western Addition's generous boundaries. The other common link these locations share? Quality burritos.
With 3 of the 12 current top dogs on Burritoeater's Mustache Chart boasting Western Addition addresses, the vast and diverse neighborhood has become San Francisco's new taqueria darling. And did anyone notice how El Burrito Express knocked Papalote's Mission location from our list's top perch in late November? Granted, nobody swarmed the field and tore down the goalposts or anything silly like that. But the Burrito Train's first No. 1 ranking still qualifies as a significant event in our line of work.
An astonishingly high neighborhood-wide OMR of 8.48 for 2007 is our irrefutable evidence. Here's how this whole marvelous sucker punch came to pass.
On April 5, Cocina Poblana showed demonstrable improvement over the foiled food we'd been served on our first visit back in late 2005. In fact, our savvy panel reckoned that our 8.17-mustache carnitas burrito was one grilled tortilla and a post-construction steamer stint away from landing a rating in the high eights. Nevertheless, we exited into the Lower Fillmore night impressed.
On July 10, while the MLB All-Star Game pomped and circumstanced loudly across town, the Western Addition's acknowledged lightweight, Ocean Taq., hurled a handful of wild pitches to the backstop and ran itself into an ill-advised rundown between third and home. But certain elements of its carne asada fajitas burrito helped it cart away a vaguely credible rating (7.42 hairy ones) from the whole experience. The relative respectability of this neighborhood's weakest burrito shop speaks a volume or two.
On July 14, notice was officially served. Papalote's Fulton St. location did the serving in the form of a 9.08-mustache stunner, and the rest of San Francisco's taqueria community was left to do the noticing. We had the choicest role: We got to eat the pollo burrito. Due to the historical significance of our lunch, this date is on record as the raddest Bastille Day ever.
On November 14, nearly a full year after it earned our 2006 Best Breakfast Burrito Slabby award, Green Chile Kitchen climbed to even greater heights on our corporate ladder with a 8.83-mustache porker of a pork burrito. The grilled tortilla and infernal spice alone were enough for us to break out such stock-footage descriptives as "uplifting" and, worse yet, "ace."
Finally, on November 20, El Burrito Express -- which already had one nine-mustache burrito to its growing list of credits -- delivered the slab de grace when it leapfrogged Mission heavyweights Papalote and Taq. San Francisco thanks to a titanic chile verde pork effort that grazed the upper reaches of eight-mustache glory. A year of increasing domination was complete, and we had our December Blargh topic laid out for us on a silver foil-strewn paper platter.
The Western Addition. It's more than just Upper Chopper City and Mervyn's Heights. It's San Francisco's new burrito-shaped epicenter.
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ATTIRE ALERT! White and gold T-shirts have returned! Check the Apparel Bazaar at once! Good god, Magnum!
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December Taqueria Visits
12/31: If any slab shop in town knows how to put the wraps on a burrito-eating year, it’s Taq. El Castillito.
12/26: Our limply spiced, but delicious burrito at Taq. Guadalajara, home of San Francisco’s most infernal salsa, struck while the irony was hot.
12/23: Taq. El Balazo dug deeply into its rice bin...a little too deeply.
12/18: The next time you find yourself face-deep in a Taq. Pancho Villa burrito, consider all the lukewarm bites you’re enduring.
12/16: Taq. Can-cún's hot, spicy, and highly mustachioed streak continued with a marvelous brunchtime monstrosity.
12/13: Clang! clang! clang! clang! went our suckulent burrito at Ocean Taq. in the side of Ingle.
12/8: Not even an army of unmelted jack cheese could derail Tacos El Tonayense’s eight-mustache train. And we can't stand unmelted cheese in our burritos.
12/5: Gordo Taq. 9.08 mustaches. Learn about it.
12/1: If we could have tossed El Beach Burrito’s latest single on the turntable, it would have sounded like a Phil Spector production. Wall of food.
But as far as the lab coats up in Burritoeater's Physical Geography Division are concerned, all these street blocks and corners fall within the Western Addition's generous boundaries. The other common link these locations share? Quality burritos.
With 3 of the 12 current top dogs on Burritoeater's Mustache Chart boasting Western Addition addresses, the vast and diverse neighborhood has become San Francisco's new taqueria darling. And did anyone notice how El Burrito Express knocked Papalote's Mission location from our list's top perch in late November? Granted, nobody swarmed the field and tore down the goalposts or anything silly like that. But the Burrito Train's first No. 1 ranking still qualifies as a significant event in our line of work.
An astonishingly high neighborhood-wide OMR of 8.48 for 2007 is our irrefutable evidence. Here's how this whole marvelous sucker punch came to pass.
On April 5, Cocina Poblana showed demonstrable improvement over the foiled food we'd been served on our first visit back in late 2005. In fact, our savvy panel reckoned that our 8.17-mustache carnitas burrito was one grilled tortilla and a post-construction steamer stint away from landing a rating in the high eights. Nevertheless, we exited into the Lower Fillmore night impressed.
On July 10, while the MLB All-Star Game pomped and circumstanced loudly across town, the Western Addition's acknowledged lightweight, Ocean Taq., hurled a handful of wild pitches to the backstop and ran itself into an ill-advised rundown between third and home. But certain elements of its carne asada fajitas burrito helped it cart away a vaguely credible rating (7.42 hairy ones) from the whole experience. The relative respectability of this neighborhood's weakest burrito shop speaks a volume or two.
On July 14, notice was officially served. Papalote's Fulton St. location did the serving in the form of a 9.08-mustache stunner, and the rest of San Francisco's taqueria community was left to do the noticing. We had the choicest role: We got to eat the pollo burrito. Due to the historical significance of our lunch, this date is on record as the raddest Bastille Day ever.
On November 14, nearly a full year after it earned our 2006 Best Breakfast Burrito Slabby award, Green Chile Kitchen climbed to even greater heights on our corporate ladder with a 8.83-mustache porker of a pork burrito. The grilled tortilla and infernal spice alone were enough for us to break out such stock-footage descriptives as "uplifting" and, worse yet, "ace."
Finally, on November 20, El Burrito Express -- which already had one nine-mustache burrito to its growing list of credits -- delivered the slab de grace when it leapfrogged Mission heavyweights Papalote and Taq. San Francisco thanks to a titanic chile verde pork effort that grazed the upper reaches of eight-mustache glory. A year of increasing domination was complete, and we had our December Blargh topic laid out for us on a silver foil-strewn paper platter.
The Western Addition. It's more than just Upper Chopper City and Mervyn's Heights. It's San Francisco's new burrito-shaped epicenter.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
ATTIRE ALERT! White and gold T-shirts have returned! Check the Apparel Bazaar at once! Good god, Magnum!
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
December Taqueria Visits
12/31: If any slab shop in town knows how to put the wraps on a burrito-eating year, it’s Taq. El Castillito.
12/26: Our limply spiced, but delicious burrito at Taq. Guadalajara, home of San Francisco’s most infernal salsa, struck while the irony was hot.
12/23: Taq. El Balazo dug deeply into its rice bin...a little too deeply.
12/18: The next time you find yourself face-deep in a Taq. Pancho Villa burrito, consider all the lukewarm bites you’re enduring.
12/16: Taq. Can-cún's hot, spicy, and highly mustachioed streak continued with a marvelous brunchtime monstrosity.
12/13: Clang! clang! clang! clang! went our suckulent burrito at Ocean Taq. in the side of Ingle.
12/8: Not even an army of unmelted jack cheese could derail Tacos El Tonayense’s eight-mustache train. And we can't stand unmelted cheese in our burritos.
12/5: Gordo Taq. 9.08 mustaches. Learn about it.
12/1: If we could have tossed El Beach Burrito’s latest single on the turntable, it would have sounded like a Phil Spector production. Wall of food.
Toppermost TaqueriasNovember 2007
Part of the fun of this burrito eating line of work is in the math. Words are fun, sure, but our proprietary 10-Mustache Scale™ is what really drives the Burritoeater go-kart.
The jerks up in Numerals here at Burritoeater HQ dusted off their high school scientific calculators the other day and "ran some figures." Once these overpaid layabouts pulled their heads out of their asses upon realizing they'd erroneously made all their initial calculations in gradians, they pulled enough relevant data together for us to cobble together a rundown of the ten taquerias currently* topping our Mustache Chart. Machaca!
Papalote (Mission): Papalote has held our No. 1 ranking more often than not since we launched this Web contraption in 2005. Our most recent visit, on August 7, resulted in a lower than usual Overall Mustache Rating (OMR), but when La Castro produced its comically greasy affair about a month afterward, opportunistic Papalote snagged the top spot once again. These people mean business.
Taq. San Francisco (Mission): We've made just as many on-record visits here (12) as to Papalote, its rival up 24th St., and after all this time, Taq. San Francisco trails Papalote by a mere four hundredths of a mustache. Its kitchen nearly killed our panel dead on our latest visit (July 1) with an 8.75-mustache whambammer.
El Burrito Express (Western Addition): We haven't returned to the Slab Train since its sixth place showing in the 2006 Slab Scrum, but that'll be remedied at some point in the next two months. In other news, this taqueria's owner lives by the "Fish hard, fish often" ethos, and that's pretty rad.
Taq. El Castillito (Civic Center / Tenderloin): Among the three Little Castles around town, this location seems to specialize in bad-ass breakfast burritos. We confirmed this most recently on February 15.
La Salsa (Financial District): Right now, as you read this, some insufferable stooge in the Mission is assassinating our credibility, and it's entirely because the No. 5 taqueria on our Mustache Chart is on Battery, and not on Valencia. But this clown wasn't with us at La Salsa for the 8.83-mustache meisterslab we enjoyed on October 10 - or for the two winning visits prior to that. Stick it, buddy!
La Castro Taq. (Castro): La Castro held the top slot for seven long months earlier this year. Then, on September 15, it slipped on its own greasy floor, and by the time it landed, it was wearing the "No. 6" ribbon. But it's better to have been No. 1 for seven months than to have never been No. 1 at all.
La Laguna Taq. (Bayview): Few readers will doubt us on this one, because few readers have visited La Laguna. Well, that's their baggage. Parking's a breeze, and the nearest T-Third stop is steps away from La Laguna's front door. Get out of your comfort zone for an hour or two, San Francisco. We did on May 31, to the dulcet tones of 8.67 mustaches.
Gordo Taq. (Inner Sunset): Despite fending off Papalote for 2006's coveted Slab Scrum crown, Gordo's brass is still smarting from the brutal 6.69-mustache rating levied against their kitchen back in January 2004. Had that haplessly substandard slab not been served, Gordo would be sitting atop our Mustache Chart, well above the furious fray. Still, we see the glass as half full: Gordo's No. 8 ranking is a testament to its remarkable run of success since 2005. Our panel owes it a return visit by year's end. Twist our arm.
Papalote (Western Addition): Such glory hogs, these Papalotes! It's not enough for the original location on 24th St. to have re-commandeered the No. 1 spot in September. No, Papalote's second shop had to go and cram a 9.08-mustache triumph down our throats on July 14 and earn its own top ten ranking.
Taq. El Castillito (Castro): San Francisco's other multi-location powerhouse came up short during our last visit on October 17, but we're not holding too much of a grudge. Not when the tortillas are this grilled. Not when the cheese is this melted. Not when the avocado's this abundant.
* Data current as of November 1, 2007.
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November Taqueria Visits
11/27: Luna Azul found the knack it lost there awhile back. This may have been the spiciest food court burrito of all time.
11/24: The days of two-mustache ineptitude appear to be a fading speck in La Placita’s rear view mirror.
11/20: An 8.92-mustache masterslab vaulted El Burrito Express on Divisadero to the top of our Mustache Chart, up and over more celebrated competition down Mission way.
11/17: Taq. Zapata’s disheartening breakfast effort prompted one of our most poorly written reviews ever.
11/14: We initially scoffed at the stubby length of our Green Chile Kitchen burrito. 17 surprising bites and nearly nine mustaches later, the six-inch monster had fully curbed our dumb scoffing.
11/10: All we’d heard about El Burrito Express’ macho burrito is that it’s “huge.” Well, yes. The biggest burrito we’ve ever met in person, in fact. Quite good, too.
11/7: Slabular improvements continue apace up on Health Sciences Knoll at UCSF’s Carmelina’s Taq.
11/5: Taq. La Alteña on Mission near 22nd finally delivered an eight-mustache effort. Well, not literally, as we had to pick it up at La Alteña itself. And by the time we got there, we were pretty hungry, so we just ate at the taqueria. So in reality, La Alteña didn't "deliver" a damn thing. Hrumph.
11/3: La Laguna Taq. took the tired old axiom about sparsely filled taquerias serving atrocious burritos, and killed it dead.
11/1: We have to go back to February 2004 to recall a more highly rated burrito than the 9.17-mustache colossus slung forth by Dos Piñas Taq.’s kitchen. Dos Piñas?! Hunh?
The jerks up in Numerals here at Burritoeater HQ dusted off their high school scientific calculators the other day and "ran some figures." Once these overpaid layabouts pulled their heads out of their asses upon realizing they'd erroneously made all their initial calculations in gradians, they pulled enough relevant data together for us to cobble together a rundown of the ten taquerias currently* topping our Mustache Chart. Machaca!
Papalote (Mission): Papalote has held our No. 1 ranking more often than not since we launched this Web contraption in 2005. Our most recent visit, on August 7, resulted in a lower than usual Overall Mustache Rating (OMR), but when La Castro produced its comically greasy affair about a month afterward, opportunistic Papalote snagged the top spot once again. These people mean business.
Taq. San Francisco (Mission): We've made just as many on-record visits here (12) as to Papalote, its rival up 24th St., and after all this time, Taq. San Francisco trails Papalote by a mere four hundredths of a mustache. Its kitchen nearly killed our panel dead on our latest visit (July 1) with an 8.75-mustache whambammer.
El Burrito Express (Western Addition): We haven't returned to the Slab Train since its sixth place showing in the 2006 Slab Scrum, but that'll be remedied at some point in the next two months. In other news, this taqueria's owner lives by the "Fish hard, fish often" ethos, and that's pretty rad.
Taq. El Castillito (Civic Center / Tenderloin): Among the three Little Castles around town, this location seems to specialize in bad-ass breakfast burritos. We confirmed this most recently on February 15.
La Salsa (Financial District): Right now, as you read this, some insufferable stooge in the Mission is assassinating our credibility, and it's entirely because the No. 5 taqueria on our Mustache Chart is on Battery, and not on Valencia. But this clown wasn't with us at La Salsa for the 8.83-mustache meisterslab we enjoyed on October 10 - or for the two winning visits prior to that. Stick it, buddy!
La Castro Taq. (Castro): La Castro held the top slot for seven long months earlier this year. Then, on September 15, it slipped on its own greasy floor, and by the time it landed, it was wearing the "No. 6" ribbon. But it's better to have been No. 1 for seven months than to have never been No. 1 at all.
La Laguna Taq. (Bayview): Few readers will doubt us on this one, because few readers have visited La Laguna. Well, that's their baggage. Parking's a breeze, and the nearest T-Third stop is steps away from La Laguna's front door. Get out of your comfort zone for an hour or two, San Francisco. We did on May 31, to the dulcet tones of 8.67 mustaches.
Gordo Taq. (Inner Sunset): Despite fending off Papalote for 2006's coveted Slab Scrum crown, Gordo's brass is still smarting from the brutal 6.69-mustache rating levied against their kitchen back in January 2004. Had that haplessly substandard slab not been served, Gordo would be sitting atop our Mustache Chart, well above the furious fray. Still, we see the glass as half full: Gordo's No. 8 ranking is a testament to its remarkable run of success since 2005. Our panel owes it a return visit by year's end. Twist our arm.
Papalote (Western Addition): Such glory hogs, these Papalotes! It's not enough for the original location on 24th St. to have re-commandeered the No. 1 spot in September. No, Papalote's second shop had to go and cram a 9.08-mustache triumph down our throats on July 14 and earn its own top ten ranking.
Taq. El Castillito (Castro): San Francisco's other multi-location powerhouse came up short during our last visit on October 17, but we're not holding too much of a grudge. Not when the tortillas are this grilled. Not when the cheese is this melted. Not when the avocado's this abundant.
* Data current as of November 1, 2007.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
November Taqueria Visits
11/27: Luna Azul found the knack it lost there awhile back. This may have been the spiciest food court burrito of all time.
11/24: The days of two-mustache ineptitude appear to be a fading speck in La Placita’s rear view mirror.
11/20: An 8.92-mustache masterslab vaulted El Burrito Express on Divisadero to the top of our Mustache Chart, up and over more celebrated competition down Mission way.
11/17: Taq. Zapata’s disheartening breakfast effort prompted one of our most poorly written reviews ever.
11/14: We initially scoffed at the stubby length of our Green Chile Kitchen burrito. 17 surprising bites and nearly nine mustaches later, the six-inch monster had fully curbed our dumb scoffing.
11/10: All we’d heard about El Burrito Express’ macho burrito is that it’s “huge.” Well, yes. The biggest burrito we’ve ever met in person, in fact. Quite good, too.
11/7: Slabular improvements continue apace up on Health Sciences Knoll at UCSF’s Carmelina’s Taq.
11/5: Taq. La Alteña on Mission near 22nd finally delivered an eight-mustache effort. Well, not literally, as we had to pick it up at La Alteña itself. And by the time we got there, we were pretty hungry, so we just ate at the taqueria. So in reality, La Alteña didn't "deliver" a damn thing. Hrumph.
11/3: La Laguna Taq. took the tired old axiom about sparsely filled taquerias serving atrocious burritos, and killed it dead.
11/1: We have to go back to February 2004 to recall a more highly rated burrito than the 9.17-mustache colossus slung forth by Dos Piñas Taq.’s kitchen. Dos Piñas?! Hunh?
